i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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