I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She just used a chaser for red wine.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
