So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
