Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
