Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
