remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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