Who did Billy Mays play for?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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