barbara walters just said penis...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
