PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
