You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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