Will you blow on my dice?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
