guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
