I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
