I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
