Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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