i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
