I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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