i think my mom watched the whole time
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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