you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize