He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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