so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
