Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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