Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night