I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
