u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
