Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.