I think I died a long time ago.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
