Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making