im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
