so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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