I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
