You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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