there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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