Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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