I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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