remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
