Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
