the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
