They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
