I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
