so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
