woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
