I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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