How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
