we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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