As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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