please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
