She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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