Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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