He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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