She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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