I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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