I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
