Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
