I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
