This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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