one two three fourrrrnication!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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