Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
