That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
