i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
