it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh god it's open bar.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
