I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
