I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
