So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is wine microwaveable?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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