I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize