you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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