He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
