Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
