I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
