Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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