super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
