guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
