We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
