we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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