Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
