In the future we'll all be gay
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
