also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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