I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
