Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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