mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
