We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
