party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
