my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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