It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize