What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just had sex bonerless
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
