I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
