it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
