I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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