I want to have your abortion
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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