Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
