4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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